


might not be totally false

by tenebrism



Category: Boyfriend (Band), K-pop
Genre: M/M, boys being dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 21:23:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3426059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenebrism/pseuds/tenebrism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hyunseong knows what the answer would be if he asked, so he doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	might not be totally false

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote 2/3 of this in september and just now decided to finish it, so i apologize if that's very obvious.

“I wanna talk to you,” Jeongmin says, so Hyunseong follows him like an obedient puppy into - the bathroom. Which, in all honesty, should have been his first clue.

Sometimes he doesn’t pay attention to these things until it’s too late.

Anyway, the door shuts behind them. Hyunseong says, “Um.”

Jeongmin looks thoughtful for a second, and then he kisses him.

   
  


Jeongmin’s hand is pressed against Hyunseong’s cheek and he, as usual, is the very opposite of hesitant. He isn’t shoving his tongue down Hyunseong’s throat or anything, so at least there’s that, but his body is pressed up close and Hyunseong feels like his breath has been knocked out of him.

He wants to kiss him back. He knows he does, he’s just a little startled by the whole thing and is suddenly hyper-aware of his mouth and his hands and _Jeongmin’s_ mouth and hands and he doesn’t really have time to do anything before Jeongmin pulls away. Jeongmin doesn’t really look hurt by Hyunseong’s reaction. He’s smiling, actually, head at a tilt that suggests that if he shrugs at the right angle, all implications and consequences of his actions will just slide right off his shoulders.

It’s a familiar expression.

There are about a thousand things Hyunseong could say right now, but he’s forgotten all of them. Jeongmin has taken a step back. It leaves him some room to breathe, at least, but all Hyunseong manages to say is, “I thought we were going to talk.”

(Honestly, he knows better than to believe anything Jeongmin says. He just forgets sometimes.)

Jeongmin laughs.

   
  


This is the second time Jeongmin has kissed him, but the first time doesn’t really count. That was forever ago.

They were kids - at least it feels like it now - and Jeongmin still thought it was cool to brag about all the girls he’d dated, even if he made most of them up, and Hyunseong still found it impressive. He hadn’t known Jeongmin long enough, then, to know that most of what he said was bullshit. Jeongmin was funny and charming and gorgeous, and if he had said he’d had a hundred girlfriends, Hyunseong probably would have believed him.

And then there was Hyunseong, who had never dated anyone or kissed anyone or anything close. Mostly he didn’t care, but he was still a little jealous, especially with how Jeongmin couldn’t shut the hell up about it, like, ever. Hyunseong couldn’t even lie. He never was good at it.

Jeongmin must have felt bad for him, or at least wanted him to stop feeling bad for himself or something, because once they got a second alone he’d tugged Hyunseong toward him and kissed him, quick and soft.

“Now you can stop complaining,” he’d said, then he’d patted Hyunseong on the shoulder and smiled like it was nothing, like he hadn’t just _kissed_ him, like he was daring Hyunseong to make a big deal out of it.

He didn’t. But he remembered it, in clearer detail than he probably should have.

   
  


This time, Hyunseong kisses him back.

He tries not to think about it. It probably doesn’t mean anything. Jeongmin does things without thinking, things he doesn’t mean, and this - Jeongmin doesn’t mean this and he’ll probably just pretend it never happened.

But Hyunseong doesn’t want to stop kissing him, and since he _can_ kiss him - since he’s thought about it maybe hundreds of times and never let himself because he doesn’t _do_ stupid things like Jeongmin - he does. It’s a little embarrassing, but he’s never been good at disguising his feelings anyway. He’s always been obvious; there’s no point pretending otherwise.

Jeongmin kisses him slowly, with one hand twisting the hem of his shirt. He tastes good, Hyunseong thinks, but he also thinks he’s going to pass out, so who knows, really.

When they pull apart again, Jeongmin’s smile is brilliant.

“Ahh,” he says, “we should probably go before someone starts to wonder what we’re doing.” This is the first time Hyunseong has remembered that they’re not alone. He feels nervous, suddenly. To be fair, it’s not that dramatic of a shift from confused giddiness.

Jeongmin’s right, though. So they leave.

   
  


They don’t talk about it.

   
  


What they do instead is, well, make out when no one’s looking, when everyone’s gone or asleep or too busy to pay attention. Hyunseong wants to kiss Jeongmin forever, actually - he wants to do a lot of things - but there’s no time, it’s not worth the risk, so it rarely lasts for very long and never goes any further than just that.

Jeongmin still tries to wiggle out of his hugs, mostly when people are looking, but sometimes, even in public, he does weird little things - like brushing his fingers against Hyunseong’s wrist, quick enough for no one else to notice but not enough to be accidental. Reminding Hyunseong of his presence, like he could ever forget.

He wonders if Jeongmin realizes just how bad he has it. It can’t be hard to tell.

Hyunseong doesn’t ask questions. It’s best, he figures, to assume the worst and pretend the best. Jeongmin is probably just bored. Their schedules are packed and exhausting - they’re always doing _something_ , but it’s the same as it’s been for years. Doesn’t leave a lot of opportunity for new experiences, so maybe this is Jeongmin’s way of changing up the routine.

If Jeongmin won’t say anything, though, won’t explain himself, then Hyunseong can think whatever he likes. He can pretend that when Jeongmin kisses him, it means something. That it’s something premeditated, something he turned over and over in his mind before he did it. But Jeongmin doesn’t do things that way, and Hyunseong is just projecting.

It’s simple: he knows what the answer would be if he asked, so he doesn’t.

 

  
Hyunseong has always been a light sleeper, but he’s never had this much trouble falling asleep, and his feelings have never caused this much of a disruption. Whatever he feels for Jeongmin - he’s hesitant to name it, but it’s there - has always been a quiet hum in the back of his mind, but now it’s more like the loud buzz of a malfunctioning kitchen appliance. Or something.

He wishes there was something he could kick to make it stop.

He’s on the couch because lying in bed awake is infuriating, mindlessly playing games on his phone because he can’t find anything else to focus on. It’s quiet. That’s always the worst, because there’s nothing to distract him.

Footsteps. Hyunseong looks up from his phone in mild surprise.

“Still awake, hyung?” Jeongmin looks rumpled and half-asleep. He’s the most beautiful person in the world, probably. Maybe that’s a little much - Hyunseong is tired too. “What’s up?”

“You,” he says without meaning to. “I mean - um.”

Jeongmin just looks at him for a second, scratching his stomach under his t-shirt. Then - there’s the smile again. “What, I keep you up at night? I didn’t know.”

Hyunseong is probably blushing already. At least it’s dark. “What are you doing up?” he asks, avoiding the question.

“Dunno. I woke up. I was gonna get some water.” Jeongmin yawns, but makes no further moves toward the kitchen. Hyunseong doesn’t really like being watched like this, like Jeongmin is curious about what he’s going to do. He isn’t going to do anything, obviously. He never does.

“Okay.” He looks back at his phone.

Jeongmin is quiet for a moment. Then - “You alright?”

“Yes?”

Hyunseong isn’t looking at him, but he sees Jeongmin move in his peripheral vision, feels him sit down near Hyunseong’s feet. “You’re full of shit,” Jeongmin says, “but sure.”

There’s so much Hyunseong could say. So much he should say, probably, but he doesn’t. In the dark, he can almost look at Jeongmin without feeling a pang in his chest. Almost.

“Wanna make out?”

Hyunseong blinks. Jeongmin almost sounds like he’s joking, but he isn’t. That’s always the problem.

“No,” Hyunseong mumbles.

Jeongmin shrugs. “Do you want to, like… talk… or something?” In this context, it’s a strange thing to hear from him. Jeongmin looks sort of concerned, actually.

Hyunseong looks back at his phone instead. “I’m fine. You should go back to bed.”

“Well, so should you.”

“Probably,” Hyunseong says and continues staring at his phone, swiping mindlessly to keep the screen on. When it becomes obvious that Jeongmin is not going anywhere, Hyunseong sighs. He meets Jeongmin’s eyes again. “I can’t sleep, that’s all. You don’t need to worry about me. I don’t want to keep you awake.”

Jeongmin laughs. “I don’t mind you keeping me awake, hyung.”

“Um.” He’s so tired. He’s not at all equipped to deal with this right now.

“It’s not just this,” Jeongmin continues. “You’ve been super weird lately, and it’s… You can tell me whatever, you know? If you’re mad at me or something…”

He sounds kind of nervous, Hyunseong realizes, which is more unsettling than anything else. “I haven’t been-” he starts to protest, but Jeongmin’s not wrong. Hyunseong has been - not avoiding him, exactly, but he’s been trying to cling less, to look and maybe feel less needy and stupid, but the only real effect has been an uncomfortable distance for a week or so that doesn’t make Hyunseong feel any better. He’s an idiot. He usually doesn’t let things get to him like this. “I’m not. Mad at you, I mean. I’m fine, I’m just - it’s-”

He doesn’t say, _please, don’t make me talk about this. I don’t want to know the answer, I don’t want to not know, I want to go back to when it wasn’t even a question worth asking._

“You’re just what?”

“Nothing.”

Jeongmin groans, dropping his head back. “I’m not gonna beg you to have a heart-to-heart with me or whatever, I just - when my friends suddenly start acting like they don’t want to be around me I kinda wanna know what’s up, you know?”

Well - they are friends. Jeongmin means that, Hyunseong knows he does. That also probably means that Jeongmin isn’t just messing with him or something, which Hyunseong never really thought but -

There’s this thing, hanging like a weight between them, but Hyunseong thinks he’s the only one that feels it.

“I really-” he starts. Swallows. He can feel his heart beating in the back of his throat. “Sorry. It’s. It’s okay, I just - I really like you.”

Jeongmin’s head rolls to the side. He doesn’t look particularly surprised by this. “Yeah? I know.”

Hyunseong’s heart is now trying to escape through his half-open mouth.

“I - wait, seriously, is that what this is-” Jeongmin huffs, and he turns his whole body to face Hyunseong, sitting cross-legged on the couch. He punches Hyunseong’s foot. “Do you think I don’t… like you? Or something? Hyung.”

After several aborted attempts at speaking - opening and closing his mouth like a fish - Hyunseong manages, “You never _said_ -”

Jeongmin is practically gaping at him. “Well, I figured it went without saying, with all the, like, kissing and stuff. Right? That did happen, didn’t it, I thought we were past this.”

“I thought you were just - I didn’t think you were -”

It’s obviously killing Jeongmin to not exclaim something else, but he stays quiet, eyes opened wide, waiting.

Hyunseong feels like he has to drag the words out by force. “I didn’t think you really meant it like that.”

“Holy shit,” Jeongmin says, sounding slightly bewildered. “Because I spend so much time, like, making out with people in closets because I’m, what, bored? If I was just trying to entertain myself, I would’ve tried to get more out of you than that.”

“That’s. I.”

“Not that I don’t want to. Because I really, really want to, you know.”

“Jeongmin-”

“I’m not going to start talking about wanting to suck your dick or anything, but, like-”

Hyunseong is unable, at this point, to suppress an embarrassed, slightly hysterical giggle. He covers his face with his hands, while Jeongmin, laughing, crawls over his legs and ends up sitting on Hyunseong’s thighs. Not really an improvement.

Jeongmin pulls Hyunseong’s hands away from his face and looks at him, squeezing his fingers. “Sorry,” he says, quieter now. He lets go. “I - I’m not very good at - you know.” He bites his lip, doesn’t finish his thought. “It was so stupid, I didn’t want it to be weird, but it’s pretty weird anyway, huh?”

“Kinda.”

“I thought you knew.” Jeongmin flattens his hands on Hyunseong’s chest; they’re warm through the thin fabric of his shirt. “God. I’m an asshole.”

“You’re not,” Hyunseong says, because it isn’t really Jeongmin’s fault he’s been beating himself up over nothing for so long when he could have just _asked_.

“Kinda,” Jeongmin repeats, smiling. “But - I do like you. Okay? You’re listening to me, right, because you might not ever get this out of me again.”

Hyunseong nods.

Jeongmin grabs his face, leans in until their noses are almost touching. “I like you so, so much.” It’s barely more than a whisper, and it sounds so uncharacteristically sincere that Hyunseong thinks his head is going to explode when Jeongmin brushes their lips together.

He feels sort of dizzy, though it’s probably mostly lack of sleep, and he lets himself sink into the kiss and stay there, warm and content. His hands end up on Jeongmin’s hips, under his shirt, his thumbs tracing lazy circles on Jeongmin’s skin. Jeongmin pulls away and presses his mouth to Hyunseong’s jaw, and Hyunseong says, “We should, ahh, sleep.”

“Probably,” Jeongmin mumbles against his cheek.

“Probably,” Hyunseong repeats, lifting his hand to the back of Jeongmin’s neck. “Eventually. Later.”

“Good plan,” Jeongmin says. Hyunseong wants to point out that if either of them ever had a good plan, things would be a lot simpler, but Jeongmin is so warm and fits so perfectly against him it’s hard to argue that they’re doing this wrong.

However this works, he thinks, he can live with it.


End file.
